Can’t Knock the Hustle
no one ever says, “i liked the guy, but he worked too hard.”
Calling All Graduates!
Any Dale Carnegie alumni on Tumblr?
It’s All In the Voice
Making a good first impression can be hard.
As promised here’s a quick primer to the importance of vocal tonality/projection.
Your voice serves as a tangible barometer of your confidence level. Is your voice portraying you in a positive light? Here are a few tips to milk those first few seconds of a new interaction.
1. Always talk louder.
Growing up, we’ve always been told to keep the volume down.
“Don’t talk so loud! Keep it Down!”
When it comes to meeting new people, nothing is more annoying than constantly having to repeat yourself. Meeting someone new should be fun, not annoying and laborious.
If you’re a habitual low talker, here’s a tip: Try visualizing an imaginary target 3 feet away from the person with whom you are talking to. Now, project your voice as though your conversational partner is said target. It may seem as though you’re screaming. Rest assured, that’s not screaming.
“Passion is universal humanity. Without it religion, history, romance and art would be useless.”
Session 4: Middle Ground
Session Four is all about ‘Energizing Our Communications’.
The ability to express oneself with great charisma is a talent that eludes many. When you are around such a person, their seamless storytelling skills aren’t consciously registered. Instead, their expert social calibration leaves you with a feeling of harmony. It’s as though they’re finely tuning an old radio to the desired frequency.
Dale Carnegie suggests the use of gestures. In (moderately) using gestures to articulate your ideas, you release nervous energy. While gesticulating wildly will not imbue you with the charisma of 2008’s Barack Obama, a quick YouTube search for ‘Tony Robbins Live’ will promptly convince you to add a little more movement to your future interactions. However, this advice is not to be misconstrued as ‘always worry about what your body is doing’.
Quite the opposite.
It’s all about communicating with authenticity. Doing what feels right in the moment, without fear of judgment.
Easier said than done, right?
“There are always three speeches, for every one you actually gave. The one you practiced, the one you gave, and the one you wish you gave.” ~Dale Carnegie
(via ministryofposter)
Session 3: Taking It Slow
We live in an age of stress.
Like most college students, I find myself perpetually stressed. Schoolwork, people, occupations, activities of every kind consume my time and who “I” am. I assume most professionals feel this way as well. Prior to this, I’ve always thought that work stress is usually more trivial than traumatic. Now I know better.
The problem is motion.
For this third session, the Dale Carnegie instructors have taken on the enormous task of helping us achieve this mental state.
There is a constant feeling of movement. Even when we are physically still, we are stumbling through the careening corridors of the mind. Too many problems, too much noise, we cannot help but to be caught in the vicious whirlwind. The world around us, mere white noise. In my limited experience, I’ve found a way out of this quagmire: it begins by making a decision. It can be as simple as deciding to make a list. In a world of white noise, to make a list and establish priorities is a fundamental act. It’s like taking an assertive stance. “I want the reins to my life back, now”. A list orders randomness. Things themselves have no inherent coherence; their serialization organizes the noise. Moreover, a list allows for an objective view of the situation at hand. In examining the “now”, we surrender ourselves to the moment.
“When you become aware of silence, immediately there is that state of inner still alertness. You are present. You have stepped out of thousands of years of collective human conditioning.”
Session 2: You Had Me at Hello
A genuine interest in others goes a long way.
I had never given much critical thought to the fleeting interactions of the day.
Some people scarcely even talk, opting for a curt, non-expressive nod of the head when acknowledging a cashier at the pharmacy, a barista at the coffee shop, even coworkers. You don’t pay much attention to those interactions; they are means to an end interspersed over the course of a busy day. Walking into my second Dale Carnegie lesson, I echoed this sentiment wholeheartedly.
‘Time is at a premium, who has time for mild fluff talk?’
As I listened to the instructors stress the importance of ‘a genuine interest in others’, I couldn’t help but recall a story.
A man enduring an interminably long wait in an airport had just been informed that his flight was indefinitely delayed. Ever observant, he noticed the swarm of irate, dissatisfied customers haggling a poor woman working at the service counter. Rather than join them, he patiently waited before making his way towards her. Upon talking with this woman, he noticed that she was (understandably) quite impatient and edgy. The man let it slip that he didn’t really mind the delay, “I’ll get there when I get there”. He proceeded to ask how her day was going, even flirted a little. Result: an upgrade to first class, free of charge.
I decided to suspend my cynicism and give the instructors’ advice a chance.
Have you ever been in a conversation where you can’t get a word in edgewise? The longer this kind of one-sided conversation persists, the more neglected you feel. You may make increasingly less subtle attempts to sway the dialogue your way. But if you fail, you may decide to end the interaction altogether. Maintaining interaction (and maintaining a relationship) requires that both parties’ need for attention is met.
Most people don’t consistently try to monopolize conversations. Nonetheless, a remarkably large part of all interactions involves a subtle competition for attention.
Consider the following:
Marshall: “I’m feeling really starved.”
Barney: “Oh, I just ate.”
Marshall: “Well, I’m really hungry.”
Barney: “When was the last time you ate?”
(This struggle for attention ultimately culminates in Marshall ‘winning’ the interaction.)
Undeniably, there exists a pattern in conversational practices which shows unresponsiveness to others’ topics and involves turning them into one’s own.
